I wish I could go back to college
Quite possibly, my most favorite novel that ended well is John Fowles’ The French Lieutenant’s Woman. I never tire of reading it. Literally not get tired because it doesn’t weigh so hard on the heart although on the brain it’s imposes a hefty pressure. The narrator weaves in and out of the story and he describes the conflict that rages within the protagonist Charles Smithson’s psyche and sense of morality in a way that makes the reader feel quite familiar with Charles — like he’s a cousin you go drinking with ever so often and when he doesn’t need to down so much alcohol to start spilling his innermost secrets.
It’s character dissection, and it’s so amazing to me both as a reader and a writer. I wish I could learn how to do that!
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These days I wish I could just get on the bus and head off somewhere peaceful. My inner serenity is shot to ribbons and I feel like a cat with a caffeine IV drip. It doesn’t help that Kim is busy with teaching and other important things so we don’t get to spend enough time together so I bitch and moan and complain all by my lonesome (and my right hand is cramping from writing too long in my journal about how I feel like Esther Greenwood trying to lift the bell jar).
Suddenly I miss being a college student. This is just an Avenue Q moment where they all sing I wish I could go back to college, in college you knew who you were.
I used to walk to all my classes not so much to save on fare but to enjoy the trees and the grass and to see the occasional fuzzy caterpillar on a bunjee jump. In the mornings my blockmates/friends Pia, Gisselle, Marie Anne and Charmaine and I would eat breakfast in CASAA and more often than not breakfast meant pancakes.
In the afternoons when I had no classes I usually went about on my own (this was all before I got into the Collegian and LFS).I loved the main library and how one could get lost among the forest of tall bookshelves, the musty smell of old books and the atmosphere of quiet study (or quiet grief, happiness or desperation, depending on the mood of some of the people who barricaded themselves behind their notes and stacks of readings).
When I was 13 and the Jefferson Cultural Center in Makati was still open, I applied for a borrower’s card and lied about my age because one had to be at least 15 to be eligible for a card. I broke out in hot and cold sweat when I submitted my application, and when it was approved a week later and I was given my card I was so nervous that I’d be found out. My mom said that if the US embassy ever found out I’d be denied a visa and I’ll never be able to go to the States and I’d regret lying about how old I was.
Now almost two decades later natatawa ako. Going to the US is the least of my problems. in the meantime, my sister is going to the US next month and I warned her not to say anything about me, her sibling and what I do.
"I lied about my age to the Jefferson Center and the US embassy might find out. Baka i-block ang visa application mo dahil kapatid mo ay sinungaling!"
That’s it! I need to go to a library to regain my equilibrium.
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Countdown to the SONA on Monday. Let the wild rumpus begin!
I wonder how the hell Pres. Arroyo faces herself in the mirror every morning when she knows damn well how she is so loathed. And how does she live knowing that during her watch, over 850 have been killed and the death toll continues to increase and she cannot risk alienating the Armed Forces of the Philippines so she declares her full support for them and the atrocities they perpetrate against mass activists and human rights workers?
As for the economy, gad, don’t let Sonny Africa get started!
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Who’s trying to kid whom? Jose de Venecia will again be elected House Speaker. The man has practically glued himself to the seat. It’s embarrassing how all these senior politicians have no shame when it comes to staying in power. It’s pure, unadulterated greed.
Dapat hindi bibinigyan ng sweldo ang mga pulitiko, allowance lang. Their bank records should be strictly monitored by the public and anti-corruption groups. Let’s see how long they’ll want to stay in office and work in government.
Expect no changes in how work is conducted in the House of Representatives with JDV again at the helm. The politics of compromise and accomodation reign supreme. It’s sickening, it’s disgusting.Vote for JDV and get P1 million in travel allowance!
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