November 22 for Nato and Beng
Renato Reyes is getting married. Boy, am really getting old, and nevermind that I’m married myself. Nato tying the knot is the thing that really
drove the point home: the then 17-year old friend who was most influential in my transition from
ordinaryong-nilalang-na-may-ambisyong-magpayaman to aktibista-laging-walang-pera-pero-at-least-masaya is now 31 and officially saying good-bye
to singlehood and starting a new phase in his life.
Nato’s a public personality. Of
course he’s not a celebrity in the way, say, Sam Milby is (selling hotdogs,
facial soap, mobile phonecards and generally being a media, uh, prostitute);
but he’s well known because of his political advocacy and how he is a credible
and worthy spokesperson on the progressive mass movement he represents.
His public persona — firm negotiator for rallyists when
they’re blocked by the police and military; well-read resource person on issues
as diverse as national sovereignty, charter change and musical traditions;
thorough campaign officer and one of the youngest to become secretary-general
of the Bagong Alyansang Makabayan – is but a hard shell that covers an
essentially mushy interior.
Among all movie and literary
characters, Nato relates most to the John Cusack character Rob Gordon in the film version of
Nick Hornby’s ‘High Fidelity.’ Hence, the fact that he’s getting married is
really a big deal. He’s had three, four relationships that either quietly
imploded or spectacularly exploded; and I myself have been witness to his slow,
circuitous process of self-questioning and ‘why oh why the hell didn’t it
work?!’ assessment. Like I once threatened him, I could blackmail him over all
the knowledge I have about how he falls in love and goes slightly crazy when it doesn’t work out (Remember that girl back in college you lent my comic books
to, Nato? The one who played bongos? Harharhar!).
But that’s all blissfully in the
past. Nato has had his share of broken hearts and nights of sleeplessness; but
now he’s happy and on the way to even more happiness.So to whom is Nato
committing to share the rest of his life to?
Her name is Geneve Emata Rivera, or
as she is known to her colleagues and Kasamas in the Health Alliance for
Democracy (HEAD), “Beng.”
I myself know very little about
Beng except that she’s a bona fide doctor and that she has a lovely smile. I am
certain that she has more beautiful qualities apart from the smile that made
Nato fall in love with her, and perhaps in the future I will have more
opportunities to know her better; but at this point, it’s Nato who’s my main
source of insight on Beng.
The mind-musical meld
Nato says that his compatibility
with Beng is ‘mind-boggling.’ Beng rates their compatibility a nine on a scale
of one to 10.
“From the first time I met
her, I thought that Beng was different
from any woman I’ve met,” he says.
Beng, for her part, says that she
realized that Nato was the man for her after their first year together as a
couple. “Halos wala kaming pinag-aawayan at ang gaan ng mga bagay-bagay para sa
kin dahil sa kanya, naisip ko, siya na nga!”
Nato and
Beng were introduced to each other during a press conference where he found out
that she was a doctor. Having a corny
sense of humor, Nato approached Beng with what he fooled himself into thinking
as a ‘creative pick-up line’ - “Doc, may sakit ako….’
“It hardly made a dent on her; but we went out that same night with some
friends. We went out with friends, and we performed a song by Sheryl Crow
called Strong Enough. I felt that there
was something there. We clicked musically, and there was something about her that drew me closer. I couldn’t sleep
that night. This feeling was reinforced during our trip to Hacienda Luisita on
November 15, 2004 . I got to know her better during the long ride to Tarlac,”
he said.
It’s not
known whether Nato made deliberate moves to get Beng to sit next to him on the
three-hour trip to the Haciend Luisita picketline, but what’s certain is that
he learned a lot about her during the car ride, and what he learned, he liked.
He wanted to know her more, and looked forward to the coming days when he could
see and talk more to Beng.
The next day, however, found Nato
crashing down to earth.
There was a picket in front of the
Department of National Defense (DND) and Nato was already late. He got on a
cab, and while waiting for the traffic to move, his celphone beeped.
It was a text message from Beng,
only it wasn’t for him.
“It was a missent. Beng was texting her then boyfriend.I was
hurt. It was a day of mishaps bevause it turned out that I had left my wallet
at home so I had no money to pay the cab,” he says.
Nato didn’t go to the picket
anymore. “I went home sad. I was under the impression kasi na she was single.
Turned out she was already engaged,” he shares.
It’s a long telenovella with sudden twists and turns and
dramatic moments how he and Beng finally
got together. At the beginning, both
sides friends discouraged closeness from developing between the two.
Walkie (Mirana-Africa, of the
Alliance of Concerned Teachers or ACT), a close friend, cautioned Nato against pursuing Beng
because the latter had a boyfriend and was in fact already engaged.
“Alangan namang maging mang-aagaw
si Nato,” she says. “It was like the plot of one of those quirky Korean movies
he liked to watch where the boy jumps off the train for the girl, but the girl
doesn’t see until it’s too late and she
gets on, train moves on, and the boy is left flat on the station pavement
looking stupid. It was a hard time for
him, but also for his friends who knew that Nato had already gone through a
series of hellish relationships. We didn’t want him to get himself hurt again, so
of course we discouraged him. In the end, it worked out for best. They were patient, and napatunayan nila na they really wanted to be with each other.”
Nato admits that it took months and
months before things got ok. Inevitably, it was Beng who had to make the
hardest decisions. Deciding to be with Nato meant letting go of a relationship
with a person she cared very much about. It also meant rethinking her priorities because being
with Nato also meant embracing her activism more.
“ It was a
very difficult time for me and her, more so for her. She sacrificed a lot and
went through a lot of difficult decisions on what she wanted to do with her
life in the Movement. Me, I had to look back on all the harsh lessons from my
previous experiences and tried not repeat them. She had to struggle hard to decide whether she wanted to take a chance with me or not.
I had to wait (which is something I’m not so good at). We don’t really have an
anniversary for when we became a couple. Our point of reference has always been
the Nov.15 trip to Hacienda Luisita,” Nato says.
“Nothing
has been easy for us, from the time we met, up to the time we decided to get
married. Marriage in the activist context means a lot more difficulty. It is
this difficulty, the sacrifice and commitment, which also makes activist
marriage meaningful. We know there is a lot of sacrifice involved, a lot of
trials and abnormal situations. We wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Beng jokes that she’s always wanted
to get married to a ‘good provider’ (“Which is something Nato isn’t, mwahahaha!”).
“Seryoso, hindi rin naman si Nato
ang tipong maghuhugas ng pinggan at magwawalis, e. Basta lang maging malawak
ang pang-unawa nya sa mga demands ng trabaho ko, yun lang ang hinihingi ko sa
kanya. I’ve had a fulfilling life as a
single person and now I am ready for this chapter in my life na may kasama at
may kadamay sa mga kalokohang gusto ko pang gawin, at si Nato iyon.”
The lessons of the closing phase of singleton life
Nato’s 31 years old, and he admits
that before he met Beng he made a lot of mistakes when it comes to love and
relationships. For all his intelligence and sharpness when it comes to the
political line on issues affecting economics and politics in the context of
social struggle, Nato, when it comes to the politics of love has been something
of a dunce.
“All those experiences taught me
the things that really matter in a relationship and what to look for in a woman, given my involvement in the
Movement. These experiences made me appreciate love within the Kilusan, love that
is not just for love’s sake, but for a greater cause. I was so attracted to the
idea of being in love. I learned that that attraction or love itself weren’t enough, especially given my work and
responsibilities. I learned things the hard way. I was actually pathetic. Lots of John Cusack-High Fidelity moments,” he sheepishly admits.
Beng, 32, also had three official
failed relationships behind her; but Nato, he says, was a revelation to her.
“Nung una, medyo mayabang, at akala
ko bakla, hahahaha! Pero later on, hindi naman pala. What I like most about him
is, napapakalma nya ako pag mainit na ang ulo ko at napapagaan niya ang mga
mabibigat para sa kin. Mahalaga din sa akin ang pagiging musikero niya at yung
hindi kami nauubusan ng pag-uusapan, kahit ano lang, minsan para na lang kaming
mga baliw…”
The wedding on November 22
Nato describes his upcoming wedding as ‘Simple, pero rock.’
He and Beng have poured much energy into turning their wedding ceremony and reception into cross
between a rally and a rock concert.
“We’re getting married at the UP parish of the Holy
Sacrifice. Simple rites but with lots of music. It’s a labor of love by all our family and
friends,” he says.
And the effort of all these friends and family members are
all very visible. The wedding
invitation is laid-out like a concert ticket, was made by Sinag de Jesus.
Nato has also made full use of his contacts in the alternative progressive
music world and succeed in getting legend Lolita carbon to sing the Bridal march. Jess Santiago and Jess Bartolome will sing during
the marriage rites.
“All our friends whom we perform with will also sing!”
Nato and Beng has shunned the traditional bridal car and
instead they will be riding a UP IKOT jeep from the church to the reception
which will be held at the UP Bonsai Garden.
“There will be a mini-concert in the evening where our band
friends will perform. The soundsystem and bandset (same kind we use in rallies) will be rented to us for
free. The art work that will be put in
display during the wedding and reception are courtesy of artists Ed Manalo,
Orly Castillo, Boy Dominguez and UP Fine Arts Dean Niel Doloricon. The venue we got at a lower rate thanks to the
help of Dean Paz and daughter Marty,” he
says.
True to the
tradition of ‘simpleng pamumuhay’, Nato and Beng will be serving simple but
filling food: pancit palabok and a
choice between puto’t dinuguan or lumpia. Desert will be kakanin, and dalandan juice and sago’t
gulaman for drinks. The wedding
souvenirs, in the meantime, are courtesy of the political prisoners of the
National Bilibid Prison.
“We just want to share the moment with our family and
friends in the Struggle. We’re excited about the mini-concert though, and look
forward to jamming with friends.”
In his own words, Nato describes
the primary witnesses (or like it says in their cool, hippie-psychedelic
invitation, Upang Sumaksi, Mga Ninong at Ninang”): Former vice-president
Teofisto Guingona( “A true nationalist); Dr. Carol Araullo (“BAYAN chair, and
one who understands me more than most people”); Rep. Satur Ocampo (“The man went through a lot of trials himself and his partnership with Ms. Bobbi
Malay went through a lot of difficulties
during his time in detention under Martial Law. How we wish we could have that
same kind of strength in our own relationship!”); Nanay Luz (“Isla Puting bato
community organizer, to remind us of what we are and who we’re for); Former
Inquirer editor Cookie Micaller ("She’s someone who has helped me understand my
work better"); Rep. Francis Escudero (“Because he was cool enough and kind
enough to volunteer”); Chit Agcaoili and Fidel Agcaoli of the National
Democratic Front (“Super cool couple, our friends. Hindi madamot sa payo at
gabay"); Dr. Reynaldo Lesaca (“His best advice is that he hopes we
would never need his professional help); Tita Dara ("Beng’s ninang sa binyag, they’re very close");
Mang Gerry Acuzar("He helped Beng get through that tortuous thing called the
Medical Board Exams"); Dr. Bien Lumbera
(“Nationalist artist, need we say more?”) Josie Lichauco (“She convinced me to
be firm in setting the date of the marriage. So supportive right from the
moment I started panicking”); and Betina Legarda (“So kind and helpful, yet
sometimes she’s more hardcore than we are. She never fails to surprise me”).
With hope, happily ever after
Nato and Beng will not be going on honeymoon after the
wedding. “No time for that. We’re both busy with our respective
organizations’ preparations for the
upcoming activities against the ASEAN
conference. We have a meeting the day after the wedding, preparations for Human
Rights Week. Maybe after the rallies in Cebu, maybe not in Cebu. We’ll see. We’re just
looking forward to the rest of our lives as a married couple. We’re just
happy,” he says.
Beng has a more pragmatic, but happily hopeful view of
what’s in store for them.
“Tag-hirap,
pero nahanda na namin ang isa’t isa sa
ganitong buhay at na-realize ko din na andaming nagmamahal sa amin, at kapag
alam mo kung bakit kayo magkasama, magiging madali na ang lahat. Ang importante,
nagtutulungan ang isa’t isa, pag babagsak na ung isa, andun naman ang isa para
mag-angat.”#
—–
Congratulations and best wishes, Nato and Beng! Good luck with your plans to have two kids!
