George Carlin doesn’t believe
I’ve resigned my post from Hong Kong News and I’m officially ‘unemployed’ by August 25 (because I filed by resignation letter July 25) and I’ll be returning home to the Philippines by the first week of September.
I am so…relieved. I am grateful for everything I’ve learned and experienced here in Hong Kong these last seven months (sure, including the crap David Chen kept giving me. To be fair, I also gave him hell. I can be a bitch sometimes, I know); but it’s now time for me to go back to my real work. I think I’ve rested long enough; and I miss my family and friends (my husband and my dogs! my mom and my sis!)
So I have only two more issues to put out and then I can go off and walk into the sunset. I’ll stay a few days longer and be a real freaking tourist and then it’s off to the Philippines I go, yay!
David in this morning’s meeting said ‘Maybe our next headline will be ‘former Hong Kong News editor shot in the Philippines…’ For him that was supposed to be a joke; but it wasn’t at all to me. But anyways, I’ve already quit so I don’t really care about David and what he says and thinks anymore.
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I will miss the wonderful, wonderful public transport system of Hong Kong, however. And Lamma. And of course, the friends I’ve made here. (They all think I’m deranged for wanting to go back to the Philippines; and I keep explaining to them that this was all just my vacation and I sought to make something meaningful from it. I think I did. I hope I did. I hope my work here made some difference, however small.)
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And the political killings continue. Ang sarap mag-mura, leche talaga!
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Last Saturday I watched videos of George Carlin’s shows in New York (back in the 80s) and his stand up acts on Johnny Carson’s ‘The Tonight Show’ (1970s) and when he was a guest on David Letterman’s.
The man is angry genius. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you’ll be offended by him; if you’re narrow-minded, you’ll be offended by him; if you believe in God and religion and George W. Bush, you’ll be offended by him. For the most part, everything he says is angry and upsetting; but they’re also very, very funny in an angry and upsetting way that makes you think (if you can go beyond being upset and angry yourself).
These are some quotes:
1. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
2. I credit that eight years of grammar school with nourishing me in a direction where I could trust myself and trust my instincts. They gave me the tools to reject my faith. They taught me to question and think for myself and to believe in my instincts to such an extent that I just said, ‘This is a wonderful fairy tale they have going here, but it’s not for me.’ [George Carlin, in the _New York Times_ 20 August 1995, pg. 17. He attended Cardinal Hayes High School in the Bronx, but left during his sophomore year in 1952 and never went back to school. Before that he attended a Catholic grammar school, Corpus Christi, which he called an experimental school.]
3. If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else
4. This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight’s last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.
5. I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
6. Religion convinced the world that there’s an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there’s 10 things he doesn’t want you to do or else you’ll to to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! …And he needs money! He’s all powerful, but he can’t handle money!
7. The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
8. I’ve begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It’s there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There’s no mystery, no one asks for money, I don’t have to dress up, and there’s no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to God are all answered at about the same 50-percent rate.
9. A man came up to me on the street and said I used to be messed up out of my mind on drugs but now I’m messed up out of my mind on Jeeesus Chriiist.
10. I have as much authority as the pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
11. I finally accepted Jesus. Not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
12. Instead of school busing and prayer in schools, which are both controversial, why not a joint solution? Prayer in buses. Just drive these kids around all day and let them pray their fuckn’ empty little heads off.
13. When it comes to BULLSHIT…BIG-TIME, MAJOR LEAGUE BULLSHIT… you have to stand IN AWE, IN AWE of the all time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion.
Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it, religion has actually convinced people that there’s an INVISIBLE MAN…LIVING IN THE SKY…who watches every thing you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten special things that he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry for ever and ever ’til the end of time…but he loves you.
I want you to know, when it comes to believing in god- I really tried. I really really tried. I tried to believe that there is a god who created each one of us in his own image and likeness, loves us very much and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize…something is FUCKED-UP. Something is WRONG here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is NOT good work. If this is the best god can do, I am NOT impressed. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a supreme being. This is the kind of shit you’d expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently run universe, this guy would have been out on his all-powerful-ass a long time ago. [George Carlin, from "You Are All Diseased".]
Trillions and trillions of prayers every day asking and begging and pleading for favors. ‘Do this’ ‘Gimme that’ ‘I want a new car’ ‘I want a better job’. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday. And I say fine, pray for anything you want. Pray for anything. But…what about the divine plan? Remember that? The divine plan. Long time ago god made a divine plan. Gave it a lot of thought. Decided it was a good plan. Put it into practice. And for billion and billions of years the divine plan has been doing just fine. Now you come along and pray for something. Well, suppose the thing you want isn’t in god’s divine plan. What do you want him to do? Change his plan? Just for you? Doesn’t it seem a little arrogant? It’s a divine plan. What’s the use of being god if every run-down schmuck with a two dollar prayer book can come along and fuck up your plan? And here’s something else, another problem you might have; suppose your prayers aren’t answered. What do you say? ‘Well it’s god’s will. God’s will be done.’ Fine, but if it gods will and he’s going to do whatever he wants to anyway; why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me. Couldn’t you just skip the praying part and get right to his will?
You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Two reasons; first of all, I think he’s a good actor. Ok. To me, that counts. Second; he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn’t fuck around. Doesn’t fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that god was having trouble with. For years I asked god to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog. Joe Pesci straightened that cock-sucker out with one visit. [George Carlin, from "You Are All Diseased".]
